Obtuse. \äb-ˈtüs, əb-, -ˈtyüs\ adjective. lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility or intellect: insensitive, stupid. Not clear or precise in thought or expression.
Synonyms: unfeeling, tactless, insensitive; blind, imperceptive, unobservant; gauche, boorish; slow, dim.
I know I'm supposed to keep this darn blog photo-centric, but sometimes we feel the need to veer off course.
That need came this morning at a photo shoot in downtown Washington, where I bumped into my old friend Kim Giammaria. Kim is the Washington area's best make-up artist and we've been running into each other for a decade now. Kim has a big heart, whether she's worrying about the well being of her friend Judith's daughter, Lindsay, a young woman in Richmond who lost her arms and legs to sepsis in the aftermath of routine intestinal surgery, or the memory of another young woman, Krista Thompson, who passed away from a brain tumor on October 24, 2008.
Kim and her son Carson were close with Krista right up until the day she died. "She was like a daughter to me," Kim told me today. "She called me Aunt Kim. In the sixth grade she and Carson started this sweet little crush. Then one day we got the phone call: 'Did you hear that Krista's in the hospital?' She had a golf ball size brain tumor--the kind that Ted Kennedy has-- and she started losing her hair. You could only go so deep to cut it out and we thought the surgery was successful."
Though Carson and Krista would eventually break off their young relationship, a bond had formed that was indestructible. During seventh, eighth and part of ninth grades, the two attended Hayfield Secondary School in Fairfax County.
"He was always there for her," Kim says. "I remember they had cut all her hair off, she comes over throwing up and falls asleep on Carson's head. He wouldn't move cause she was sleeping on his shoulder. One day Carson was even dancing in the rain with her and that little shaved head."
That shaved head would sometimes lead to petty insensitivity, the first sign that dogmatic adherence to zero tolerance rules can muscle out a bit of humanity in the process. "Teachers would stop her in the hall and tell her that she couldn't wear a hat," says Kim. "'Take it off,' they would say. She's a thirteen year old girl who was tired of telling people her story. You're going to hassle a kid with a brain tumor about wearing a hat?" she asks incredulously.
Well, some of that obtuseness apparently still lingers at Hayfield. On March 9, Kim sent the principal there an email asking if the school would mind putting up some flyers about the upcoming Race for Hope, an event planned for this coming May 3rd to raise awareness about brain cancer. (Proceeds from the event benefit the National Brain Tumor Society and Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure.) Kim, not surprisingly, is part of Team Krista. (That's Krista in the little photo up top.) Here's the email she sent:
Dear Dr. Oehrlein,
I hope this note finds you in good spirits. I'm not sure if you know me but you may know my son, Carson Giammaria, who is a student at Hayfield, a wrestler and a football player. My older son graduated from Hayfield 3 years ago. I love Hayfield and I love the staff. We are so fortunate to have the teachers, coaches and admin that we have.
Coach Pugh and Coach Hill have made such an impact on my son Carson, he was just accepted to the summer program at West Point, and I believe the support and ethics that he has learned from these fine men are part of the making of the young man that he has become. So for this I want to thank you.
Regardless to what your answer is to my question I do want you to thank you and tell you how much Hayfield and the staff mean to me. I was right on the border when we went through the changes with South County....and I was determined to keep Carson at Hayfield no matter what I had to do.
Krista Thompson, Carson's first little girlfriend, also went to Hayfield but moved to South County when boundaries changed. Krista passed away October 24th after battling a brain tumor for 4 years. Some of the boys on the teams have worn the buttons that we have put out in honor of her.
We are putting on a run to bring awareness to brain tumors in young adults. Krista ran the race ....this will be the first year she won't be there with us. Many students from Hayfield, some who went to elementary school and middle school with her, will be running in the race to remember Krista.
So my question is would it be possible for us to post flyers at Hayfield to make the race known to other students who may want to run. South County has turned us down after telling us we could. I am not sure how you feel about posting flyers but I assure you this is a very well meaning effort so no other family and friends will have to go through the loss of a young person like the Thompson and all who loved Krista have gone through.
I will attach a copy of the poster and also a link to the race so you can see how big and important it is.
Thank you for taking the time to read this Dr. Oehrlein.
Sincerely,
Kim Giammaria
Don't 'ya hate when you write a heartfelt personal message and you get a form letter in response? As if no one was actually listening to a thing you wrote? Well, here's the email Kim received back from Principal Oehrlein:
"Hello and good morning. Yes, it is so tragic when young lives are lost so early. I think the Race for Hope is a marvelous undertaking. However, our reality in this tough economy is that I am contacted, almost daily, by non-profit and well-intentioned groups wanting to use some or all of our student body to participate in raising funds for their non-profit organization (your email is the third in the last five days). The high numbers of such requests coming to principals actually lead the School Board to pass a regulation indicating that students should not be accessed to raise funds for outside organizations. These efforts also take away time and energy for students who are fundraising for school clubs, co-curricular activities such as band and chorus, as well as, athletic sports teams. I am happy to personally contribute though.
Best wishes to you and the Race for Hope efforts, B. Oehrlein
Paging Dr. Oehrlein, human being. Yes, we get the point. Do a good deed for one dead child and you have to do good deeds for every dead child. Your email is the third in the last five days. Such a drag. (Each time I read those particular words, I get angrier. As if he's responding to an annoying Nigerian bank scam email rather the actual one you just read.)
We all know that schools have gone a little crazy in the head these days with regards to zero tolerance, but Dr. Oerhlein's response deserves a place in the Missing The Forest For The Trees Hall of Fame. While it is thoughtful of him to offer to contribute, it's hard not to notice the utter aloofness in his response, the rhetorical equivalent of not looking someone in the eyes. In this tough economy... Takes time and energy away... Yes, it's so tragic... Um, Dr. Oehrlein? Krista went to your school at one point, for goodness sake. It would have been nice to see him dispense with the bureaucratic blow-off in favor of a more heartfelt reply.
Look. Schools are all about rules, I understand that. And I can understand not wanting to allow a school to become an oversized billboard for one event after another. But this isn't a Domino's two-for-one offer. It seems incomprehensible that a ban on posting flyers for outside charity events could be so inflexible as to not allow for helping preserve the memory of a student from that school. Tough love indeed.
I'm certain Dr. Oehrlein is a great educator. All signs point to it: he was named Middle School Principal of the Year recently. And he can't be expected to remember every student. (My junior high principal knew every loser by name but couldn't identify one honor student if his life depended on it. Maybe that just goes with the territory.) And finally, even if his response is the we-must-be-fair-to-everyone way to go, and I'm dead wrong here, I can still understand why Kim was so hurt. We write about a vibrant young woman and get a form letter back.
The school is missing a real opportunity. Participation in charitable events, whether they are breast cancer walks or AIDS rides, is far from the time suck that Principal Oehrlein alludes to. Playing Wii and PlayStation all day, now that's a time suck. Taking part in a brain tumor event in memory of a fellow student is a lesson that might guide young people for the rest of their lives. It might inspire them to become doctors, researchers, educators, humanitarians.
For sticking to school policy, which is no doubt crafted to protect students from commercialism, I'll give Principal Oehrlein an A. But for sensitivity and compassion on this particular issue? I'd say an F is in order.
Matt
p.s. To contribute to Team Krista, please click here.